Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-06-06 09:52:59
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Sue Johnson
- ISBN：031611300X
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Summary
Heralded by the New York Times and Time as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success， Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond。
This idea， once controversial， is now supported by science， and has become widely popular among therapists around the world。 In Hold Me Tight， Dr。 Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time。 Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond。 With this in mind， she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from "Recognizing the Demon Dialogue" to "Revisiting a Rocky Moment" -- and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations。
Through case studies from her practice， illuminating advice， and practical exercises， couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love。
This idea， once controversial， is now supported by science， and has become widely popular among therapists around the world。 In Hold Me Tight， Dr。 Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time。 Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond。 With this in mind， she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from "Recognizing the Demon Dialogue" to "Revisiting a Rocky Moment" -- and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations。
Through case studies from her practice， illuminating advice， and practical exercises， couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love。
Reviews
Mala Ashok
，
This book is about Emotion Focused Therapy which the author "Discovered。" Couples who are having difficulty will do well to read it。 This book is about Emotion Focused Therapy which the author "Discovered。" Couples who are having difficulty will do well to read it。 。。。more
Tetiana Khriapina
，
Мы - это история наших привязаностей。
Алексей Имаев
，
Я бы не сказал， что эта книга хоть сколько-нибудь претендует на научность， как уверяет её автор。 Для шагов ведения диалогов достаточно было пары страниц。 Остальное раздуто。 В общем， так себе。
Nadya Tesar
，
Amazing book。 I’d recommend to any wife/husband， mother/father。 Explains the need for connection in all relationships。
Vanessa
，
This book leaves me feeling simultaneously hopeful and hopeless。
Bud
，
Uitgelezen
KC
，
This is the prequel to Sue Johnson’s “Love Sense，” which I read some years ago。 This beginning covers much of the same ground， mainly summarizing and validating John Bowlby’s clinical work on attachment theory as it related to mature couples。 The bulk of the book， however， focused on seven topical “conversations” that guide couples through critical junctures of a relationship。 The main topics are （1） recognizing demon dialogues， （2） finding the raw spots， （3） revisiting rocky moments， （4） engagi This is the prequel to Sue Johnson’s “Love Sense，” which I read some years ago。 This beginning covers much of the same ground， mainly summarizing and validating John Bowlby’s clinical work on attachment theory as it related to mature couples。 The bulk of the book， however， focused on seven topical “conversations” that guide couples through critical junctures of a relationship。 The main topics are （1） recognizing demon dialogues， （2） finding the raw spots， （3） revisiting rocky moments， （4） engaging and connecting， （5） forgiving， （6） physical touch， and （7） maintaining。Among the concluding “lessons learned” section， this nugget is particularly insightful: “ In relationships， there is no simple cause and effect， no straight lines， only circles that partners create together。 We pull each other into loops and spirals of connection and disconnection。”The non-linearity and dynamic complexity of the powers at play are acknowledged， and the advice for navigating them is on point。 。。。more
Julia Bogdan
，
Я б радила цю книгу прочитати всім， хто хоче побудувати або зберегти стосунки。 Не важливо з коханою людиною， батьками чи близькими друзями。 Природа конфліктів і непорозумінь дуже схожа， і ця книжка допомогає розібратись в причинах поведінки， подивитись на ситуацію очима іншої людини， знайти рішення。 Хоча манера написання мене час від часу підбішувала， я не стала знижувати за це оцінку。 Суті вона не змінює。 Хоч і трохи ідеалістична， книга однозначно корисна
Rachel Owens
，
Oh man … if I could really just apply all of this info into my brain。 So so much good information on how to focus on your spouse and correcting you marriage！ Great read！
Claudia Ghazal
，
Excellent book on the importance of love， connection and relationship patterns！ This is a book I will definitely revisit
Arbana
，
A fantastic book。 Would highly recommend to any couple who’s going through tough times
Kevin Rose
，
got this to understand someone elses relationship problems but ended up feeling very hopeful for love as an idea and a future for myself。。。 cool。
Edgars Lapins
，
All people who plan on being in any kinds of relationships should read this book。 Especially my past self and my past and future partners。The rare case where I start re-reading the book as soon as I've finished it （with my partner）。 Based on her work on emotionally-focused therapy， and on her assumption that "love is all about safe emotional connection"， Sue Johnson outlines seven structured conversations for couples whose relationships are experiencing issues of all kinds。She draws heavily on h All people who plan on being in any kinds of relationships should read this book。 Especially my past self and my past and future partners。The rare case where I start re-reading the book as soon as I've finished it （with my partner）。 Based on her work on emotionally-focused therapy， and on her assumption that "love is all about safe emotional connection"， Sue Johnson outlines seven structured conversations for couples whose relationships are experiencing issues of all kinds。She draws heavily on her experience as a couples therapist， and on attachment theory。While， as a science communicator， I do have issues with the author's "new science of love" claims made throughout the book， I would still recommend this book to all couples。 。。。more
Seinka
，
Despite the baldy chosen title， this book should become a must read for every human being！！！ It talks about romantic relationships but truly， the theory of the book is applicable to all kinds of relationships。 From the first pages on， it resonated with me deeply because it felt instinctually right。 I applied some of the theories onto the relationships with the people in my life and have seen its positive impact immediately！ Learning how to love is something i wish i had learned much earlier。。。 b Despite the baldy chosen title， this book should become a must read for every human being！！！ It talks about romantic relationships but truly， the theory of the book is applicable to all kinds of relationships。 From the first pages on， it resonated with me deeply because it felt instinctually right。 I applied some of the theories onto the relationships with the people in my life and have seen its positive impact immediately！ Learning how to love is something i wish i had learned much earlier。。。 but I’m grateful for stumbling upon this book at this time of my life， where learning to love is as important as ever before。 “Learning how to nurture the bonds of love is an urgent task。 Loving connection provides the dependable web of intimacy that allows us to cope with life and to live life well。 And that is what gives our life its meaning。 Instinctively we know that those who grasp the imperatives of attachment live better lives。 Yet our culture encourages us to compete rather than connect。 Even though we are programmed by millions of years of evolution to relentlessly seek out belonging and intimate connection， we persist in defining healthy people as those who do not need others。 We are building a culture of separateness that is at odds with our biology。 The attachment perspective recognises that our need for emotional connection with others is absolute。” 。。。more
Jvekks
，
Dr。 Sue Johnson is a Canadian scientist/therapist using the profound and powerful Attachment Theory first developed by John Bowlby in the context of adult relationships。 Attachment Theory was originally formulated to describe the relationship dynamics and development of children。 Children need a social bond with at least one primary caregiver - otherwise they will not survive; and in tragic cases with temporary 'emotional' bonds （like in orphans） kids may not have a healthy development。 When AT Dr。 Sue Johnson is a Canadian scientist/therapist using the profound and powerful Attachment Theory first developed by John Bowlby in the context of adult relationships。 Attachment Theory was originally formulated to describe the relationship dynamics and development of children。 Children need a social bond with at least one primary caregiver - otherwise they will not survive; and in tragic cases with temporary 'emotional' bonds （like in orphans） kids may not have a healthy development。 When AT is applied to adults， it can help you to understanding how healthy and happy relationships function， says Dr。 Johnson。 She turns theory into practice by inventing Emotionally Focused Therapy （which has been condensed into seven conversations in this book）。 These conversations can build deeper emotional connection and strengthen ones attachment to their partner。 It starts by analyzing the past （transgressions， resentments， and even trauma）， understanding the present （communication habits and negative thought patterns）， and looking toward the future （creating new habits and attachments）。 The book draws on some neuroscience and some psychology， but mostly real-world examples that can be very emotional at times （some of the stories broke my heart）。 I recommend the book to anyone seeking to understand or improve their closest relationships。 My one criticism is that it's a bit excessive on examples， and could be about 200 pages shorter！ As someone that is mostly interested in the science， I would have liked deeper discussions around Attachment Theory， but that's not the purpose of this book。 。。。more
Dandan Liu
，
I feel like all couples should read this book， even if you’re not experiencing problems。 It’s very workable and gets to the heart of interrelational dynamics。
Chrisanne
，
A friend highly recommended this years ago and it finally got its third recommendation so I picked it up when I walked by it on the library shelf。 Short Story--- I prefer John Gottman。 But Gottman himself is quoted as singing the praises of this book and Johnson's work。 So there's that。 Long story: Johnson make an astute point at the beginning of the book。 For the first time in years， for many the couple is the community， the best friend， the club， the neighbor。 I believe it was Eli Finkel in th A friend highly recommended this years ago and it finally got its third recommendation so I picked it up when I walked by it on the library shelf。 Short Story--- I prefer John Gottman。 But Gottman himself is quoted as singing the praises of this book and Johnson's work。 So there's that。 Long story: Johnson make an astute point at the beginning of the book。 For the first time in years， for many the couple is the community， the best friend， the club， the neighbor。 I believe it was Eli Finkel in the All-Or-Nothing Marriage who explored it most thoroughly。 Gottman himself makes many references to friends， outside interests， community。 Relationships that have those things bolstering them may function well with his books。 Others， the fit the first description， may do well with Johnson's work。 But， the thing is， I don't know。 Because， apart from the claim at the beginning that it is 75% more effective， there are no stats， particulars from studies， or numbers。 What are we defining as success？ Gottman's work is much more specific on this point。 I found the middle a semi-repetition of Gottman's ideas（just reframed） mixed with experiences and step-by-step workbook-style questions（which I thought was a little odd， based on her critique of teaching communication skills）。 It wasn't until page 226 that she really got to， what I feel， was the crux of the issue which， ironically（？）， was to see each self in its community of origin （however big or small） and address these issues（let's not talk the reparenting thing here。 There's too much I think about that and too little research stored in my head to make it accurate）。 To sum up: there was too little info on prevention and not enough presentation of a deep dive to satisfy any solid claim of a cure。 Especially since， I might add， marital counseling is rarely covered by insurance and， therefore， any help people with a lower income can get， is worth giving（especially since stats point to single parents as earning less---making it a laudable goal to help everyone， and especially couples in that income bracket who might not have insurance or spare cash anyway）。**Update， I've been thinking more about this。 Why is it that when therapists write about their clients they're always like "John， a successful business owner and Mary， a financial wizard， were always fighting"？ I mean， I know partially why。 But isn't it telling that it never reads "Joe， owner of a struggling business， and Jane， who was working at the local grocery store to make ends meet。。。"？ 。。。more
肥啾 H
，
This book reminded me of another one， which talked about the twin flame。 Especially from a spiritual perspective， twin flame are coming from the same soul family。 Where I found this explanation a bit problematic is actually about the extentialization of our minds—when I get our consciousness mapped to a specific domain—and that whole process is complete voluntary and heavily dependent on our life experiences。
Elaina Pivovar
，
Only took me 15 months， but I finished！ Brilliant， love it！ Thank you Sue Johnson！
Mary Bandara
，
I got a few nice downloads from this book and I see how it could be useful for some people more than for others。
Megan
，
If you're familiar with attachment research， then you'll understand the main concepts of this book。 In summary， we are social and connection focused beings。 We crave those things and when we don't have them， we can feel desolate。 When it comes to couples， there are tough conversations which need to be had， but they must be done in constructive ways。 The seven conversations are basically guides for how you and your partner could work through your disconnect。 The basis of the conversations is hear If you're familiar with attachment research， then you'll understand the main concepts of this book。 In summary， we are social and connection focused beings。 We crave those things and when we don't have them， we can feel desolate。 When it comes to couples， there are tough conversations which need to be had， but they must be done in constructive ways。 The seven conversations are basically guides for how you and your partner could work through your disconnect。 The basis of the conversations is hearing and validating the needs of the partner， then taking the actions to acknowledge and account for those needs in the relationship。 Sue Johnson uses examples to elucidate the different concepts and conversations， drawing a fairly clear picture of what this could look like。 However， these conversations were in the context of therapy or at least learned in therapy， played out in life， and rehashed in therapy which makes me wonder about the effectiveness of this as a self-help book for couples。 Sometimes that separate space is needed to even begin working on those issues and having a mediator to reflect what we're saying can make a difference between another fight （or protest polka） or constructive conversations for connection。 。。。more
Lauren Read
，
This excellent relationship book outlines EFT （Emotionally Focused Therapy） as seven steps。 EFT is Attachment Theory applied to adult partnerships， so any parent in to AT will resonate。 The examples from real sessions are eye opening。 One doesn't need trouble to tend to and improve one's relationship， so dig in。 This excellent relationship book outlines EFT （Emotionally Focused Therapy） as seven steps。 EFT is Attachment Theory applied to adult partnerships， so any parent in to AT will resonate。 The examples from real sessions are eye opening。 One doesn't need trouble to tend to and improve one's relationship， so dig in。 。。。more
Devin Murray
，
As someone who isn’t necessarily in crisis mode with a partner， I felt like I didn’t get out what I expected of this book - or really much at all。 She does offer some helpful conversations to shed light on common sticking points in a relationship。 I was a bit bothered by some of the “example” conversations in the book。 They were either too dramatic or used kindergarten level dialogue。
Matthew Bunch
，
Very insightful and helpful！
Kammie
，
I love that the author starts with the definition of love and the four behaviors Bowlby and Ainsworth （1951） believed were basic to attachment: 1。 Monitor and maintain emotional and physical closeness with our beloved2。 That we reach out for this person when we are unsure， upset， or feeling down3。 That we miss this person when we are apart4。 That we count on this person to be there for us when we go out into the world and exploreThese four thoughts radiated within me！ It makes me realize the pow I love that the author starts with the definition of love and the four behaviors Bowlby and Ainsworth （1951） believed were basic to attachment: 1。 Monitor and maintain emotional and physical closeness with our beloved2。 That we reach out for this person when we are unsure， upset， or feeling down3。 That we miss this person when we are apart4。 That we count on this person to be there for us when we go out into the world and exploreThese four thoughts radiated within me！ It makes me realize the power of being emotionally connected within our relationships。 。。。more
Shiva Shin
，
کتاب شامل درس هایی از درمان هیجان محور برای بهبود روابط زوجین بود （EFT）。 ترجمه روانی داشت، در کل محتوای خوبی هم داشت。 برای استفاده عموم توصیه می کنم。
Irith
，
F
Cathleen
，
An interesting book on how attachment and attachment injuries affect romantic relationships。
Melissa H。
，
A book for anyone wanting a stronger marriage， Johnson shows us what we’ve known all along: it’s about attachment。
Samuel Taggart
，